hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My feet surprised me
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