Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm passing your future prison.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
