I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is wine microwaveable?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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