Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
