if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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