So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
