he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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