soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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