its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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