I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
