you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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