Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
