sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
