this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
