Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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