is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
