HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
