Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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