one two three fourrrrnication!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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