I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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