"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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