honey bunches of taint.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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