Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize