maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
