It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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