That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
