I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
