if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
