It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do vagina's smell?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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