party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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