How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
