i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
