She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
