True but thats because hes a fetus.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
