Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
whose ass print is on the piano?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
