i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
