So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
