I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
