I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
