yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
