oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
