She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
