making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
