we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
