do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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