I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
