left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
