NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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