I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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