Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
