erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
