I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
