Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
