If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
