you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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