I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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