She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
