well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
