He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
