He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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