Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
