I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
