somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
