Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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