Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
