The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
