Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
