Cold hands, warm shart.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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