No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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