Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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