You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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