I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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